Heels click clackin about!
Hello you lovely lot. As you may have noticed I’ve neglected this blog for a few months, and I kinda feel like I owe everyone an explanation. Well, not everyone. I don’t like everyone. Especially people that eat the gherkins in McDonald’s double cheeseburgers. Cretins.
So as you may or may not know this blog was started as a way of me coping with on going mental health issues. Writing has always been a great way for me to vent about things that I am feeling. However, I have a TONNE of unfinished blog posts that I’ve just never posted. I’m way too much of a perfectionist and if it doesn’t feel right, the world will never get to see it. This has always been the case with me. I would take forever on my work in school because I was so passionate and I wanted the absolute best fantasy comic book story involving small animals doing karate (yes this was a thing pls don’t judge me).
So what’s been going on since January you may ask? Well in February I finally managed to start seeing a support worker. It’s not been perfect or super amazing but he’s helped me get a lot of things into place and to me is almost doing a counsellor’s job. I’m almost at the end of my sessions and I can definitely see a difference. I’ve had my antidepressants maxed right out, which I’m not too keen on, but I was also prescribed a beta blocker and it works wonders and I wish I could feel the effects of it 24/7 god damn.
It took me a while but I’m now back into work. I won’t lie it’s super hard but I’m a fighter and I’m trying my absolute best. Since things haven’t been great I’ve been in touch with the company’s occupational health team and I’m trying to figure out a way to make things easier. I’ve always quite liked my job so I’m not giving it up that easily. I never saw myself working in travel/foreign currency but it’s actually pretty interesting and I have lots of great regular customers that make my day. Also I work in a *questionable* area off a high street so there’s never a dull day in the store. I love it when there’s fights, no point in lying. I do feel sorry for the security though.
In February my depression was kinda getting to me and I was like “shit, if I spend most of my time alone in my room, maybe something needs to change”. That change came in Trixie, my Syrian hamster. Honestly hamsters get such a rep for being cheap pets; I have learned that they are NOT. I have spoiled her rotten. She has the biggest hamster cage I could find in the UK. She’s been through several houses and 5 wheels (long story will explain in a later blog) and probably over 100 monkey nuts. I’m never alone at home because she is always there, whether she’s asleep in her cage, eating lettuce on my chest or has escaped under my bed or wardrobes. In learning to look after her, I learnt how to look after myself. I had to step up and be the mom she deserves. She makes me so happy and I’m glad I have her.
I started going to the gym, and whilst I’ve been slacking real bad lately, it’s done wonders for my confidence. I have lost a few pounds and I feel pretty comfortable with my body. My diet is next to sort out. I really wanna go veggie or dairy free. Linda McCartney sausages and Almond Breeze ftw. I also managed to rediscover my love for wrestling. I had to look further afield, Germany in fact, and I found wXw. I cannot get ENOUGH of it. I have booked to fly out in October and it’s a proper goal for me and something I have to keep me going. Thank god for that travel job eh? Discounts on Euros and insurance. *world’s longest yeah boi*
I’m not 100%, I hope someday I will be. I would be nothing without the support I have received from family, friends and even complete strangers over the past 6 months. Hell I honestly thought I wouldn’t see the new year through. To anyone reading this who may have been where I was, I promise you it will get better. It’s not a quick journey, but time is a healer and it is worth it. I have a new baby (the hammy) to live for and a dream trip across the world with some of my closest friends. It takes some rain and some sun to make a beautiful rainbow.
So I think I got down everything I wanted to say? I’m hoping to finally start posting regularly. My laptop does prevent this as it’s soooo slow. Fuck you HP. Eat my computer using asshole. Had enough of yer shite. I’m off to watch re runs of Drag Race now. Stunning!
As a wise woman once said “I believe in angels, something good in everything I see” (GUYS I am SO excited to see Mamma Mia 2 tomorrow! Lemme know what your fave ABBA song is. Whether it’s on here or other forms of that god darn social media).